Siamese Superstition

Sri Lankans are a funny bunch. Passionate, hospitable, cheerful and contradictory. Sri Lankan superstitions are equally entertaining; you can choose to laugh with them, or indeed at them.

My favourite superstition has to be the avoidance of 'wrongly-sized' fruit and vegetables by the fairer sex. I've come across a lot of 'wrong' fruit in my time. My mother has thankfully put a stop to my consumption of them as she doesn't fancy me coping with the uncertainty of carrying conjoined twins.

She has also taken it upon herself to verbally beat this mantra into me - I fear the consequences of not taking this mantra seriously as I may be (physically) pounded harder than the streets in the Kandy Perehera instead!

Incidentally, the definition of 'wrong' is one of size and number (Sri Lankans never do things by halves!).

I can see why people would avoid a rotting/under-ripe piece of fruit/vegetable.

What I don't understand is the need to avoid 'doubled'/bifid forms of the similar fruits and vegetables. Whilst the birth of conjoined-twins can result in joy/heartache of similar measure, the presence of more fruit/vegetable-matter available within the item reprsents a) greater value for money and b) more taste/flavour?

Surely chopping up/pureeing the offending item will negate the overall 'wrongness' of the piece?

And what about the fathers? I'd assume sperm production takes equal responsibility in the matter, so how come the men don't have to avoid 'doubles' too?

Alas, I won't be the one to tell you the answer. One of you, who has already gone on to complete their family, will have to tell me!

There's most probably a reason for Sri Lanka's virtually nonexistent rate of conjoined twin production - and this my dears, is most probably it.

Sweeteners..

As most of you know, this 'responsible Baby-Doc' gubbins I present to the big bad world is just a front. Lurking under the surface is a not-so-secret hedonist, hellbent on finding pleasure in many ways, shapes or forms!

Since my opportunity for pleasure has been rather subdued in the run-up to finals, the pleasures I've had of late have been of the simple, comparatively sedate variety. Summer-fruits, sorbets and the sweet feeling of having put over half your exams behind you.

My good friend female R and I went out to lunch, t'other day, as a token attempt at celebration. We chose Sagar, a South Indian Vegetarian restaurant with branches all over West London.

Our reasons for this choice - R is a Vegetarian, we were close-by and 'The Gate' required a reservation.

Alas, as students do, we opted for the lunch special.

Little did we know that a lunch special for one meant enough food for three. Ordering two of these meant we'd got a family feast on our hands, with poppadums, starters (dhokra, boonda, samosas), salad, dosa, pilau rice and four curries each! The food was laid out in a thali, minus the banana-leaf but thoroughly Kerelan in every other way :)

Along with these goodies came dessert, consisting of a sole turd-coloured gulab jamun sitting in a stainless steel bowl of urine-coloured syrup.

Call me a scatophile, if you must - but the visuals and over-powering flavours of South Asian fresh fruit-less desserts described below, leaves much to be desired. You can totally see why an upbringing like mine made Sat Bains and Atul Kochar get it desperately wrong on the Great British Menu.

Watalappam - unevenly textured, slimy and wrong.

Pineapple fluff - leftover whey, blancmange and food colouring gone horribly wrong. A bit like Teletubby Custard with the texture and culinary charmlessness of ectoplasm.

Sauw/payasam - frog spawn. Nuff said.

Kavum - should be sent to hell for looking AND tasting bad.

Barfi - the consumer needs UV eye protection and gumshield prior to attempting to consume this cloying excuse of a fat-laden tooth-decay brick which was created for the sole purpose of providing business for other money-hungry Asian doctors and dentists.

Muscat and the abomination that is salted-buttercream Marie-Biscuit Pudding. Exactly which clown on this planet thought wartime rationing-inspired post-Pilawoos cosh was an excellent idea?

I'm interested in knowing exactly why South Asians are rubbish at making their own desserts.

We don't seem to have made much headway post-migration either - few seem to be aware of the world beyond the pleasures of Kulfi and Jalebi.

I for one, look forward to seeing an Asian-inspired dessert as part of the UK's culinary landscape :D

Afternoon Gangsters

I just thought I'd drop a quick note to let you know my written exams have gone relatively well.

Practicals are next week and week after, so the next two weeks will be spent revising for them, watching Big Brother and cheering for my boys (Simon and Tre) to win the Apprentice.