Ghost Girl

Recent adventures on Facebook have revealed two uncomfortable truths.

Truth one - my lack of a cohesive friend 'group' inside college.

Fair cop; the people I got on best with left. The people still left are good mates I'm friends with on an individual basis. Whilst I may not have any animosity towards others in their 'respective' groups, I'm not automatically considered part of a group due to the lack of time I've spent with them as a whole.

The reason I don't want to 'limit' myself to just the one group is a diversity of interests. Not everyone is into things I like, so I find myself reaching out to new groups who may/may not have a 'niche' set of interests in order to stimulate myself. I try not to oblige myself entirely to a group - they might meet 4 times a month and I'd most likely make one of the four due to having three other groups to hang out with.

I may never be lonely on a Friday night; but I'm not guaranteed I won't end up 'alone'.

Lady Luck's lesson to those in the early years of medschool - start going out on 'medic' nights out, leaving aside whether 'sports night' is your thing. You won't ever feel entirely left out and you will meet some decent enough friends over time who will provide the group pictures you need to stop yourself looking/feeling like a loner.

Truth two - I used to be a GhostGirl

Y'know, one of those less conventionally attractive types with a really fit mate. My mate was the kind of girl who had this effect: everyone would look disappointed each time I met them alone, not asking me how I was before asking about her whereabouts. The rest of her friends failed to recognise me without her - entire conversations occured in front of me before I'd stepped in to chat.

I spent very much of my first year feeling invisible. Believe it or not, I'm still known as 'her mate'. I've not spoken to this chick in three years and found myself very hurt when one of our acquaintances asked me to remind him of my name after seeing me continually through five years of medical school.

Being FitGirl's mates did ensure an invite to every party going - good fun, but damn tiring after a while when you figured out that people didn't like you on your own merits. FitGirl also had this effect on other girls - they gave her a wide berth if they weren't in the 'Fit' category themselves.

She herself wasn't openly bitchy but continually failed to make an effort with any girl she couldn't avoid.

I thank my lucky stars that I didn't end up sharing a flat with her, another fittie and three lads in my second year. The lack of respect from the lads would've really got me down. Though the FitGirl herself was alright (a few irritating quirks aside) - her hangers-on left a lot to be desired.

I have never felt comfortable opening-up to her and know that it was this which broke our friendship down. It turned out my gut feeling was right - I've never spoken to those guys since; who needs enemies when you've got friends like those, eh?

Whilst we're on the subject of feeling unattractive; I'd like to know why I've only ever had the one British Asian guy romantically interested in my intellect? Plenty of men from other races, not to mention their subcontinental counterparts are feeling it - so why not them?

Answers on a postcard please!

Rain Rain Go Away

Looks like the Sun God did listen to my prayers - saving you lot from being saddled with a whiny entry, pontificating the benefits of going into university for 3 hours (in addition to an hour's journey each way in the driving rain).

I'm going to head out soon, looking foward to a one hour tutorial (which might never happen as our tutor chooses to inform us upto half an hour in advance) before heading off to a laparoscopic surgery study (watch the guinea pig go!) at the department with Vitamin D deficiency.

Hopefully the tute doesn't happen - I don't fancy passing by the unwanted admirer for the third day in a row.

Whilst we're on the theme of luck, I'd like to say 'thank you' to 'Anon' who's offered me a tour 'round the Channel Four Building- I guess being a fangirl does have it's perks :D

Sociability...is hard enough for me..

There cometh a line from my favourite music video of all time, Blur's 'Coffee and TV'. That's the one where a milk carton looks for his girlfriend, reuniting with her in 'Milk Carton Heaven'. Cute, even if I never really did get into Blur.

As a fan of the Britpop-era, I'm agreed they did have some fantastic tunes despite dipping it low for a bit after 'The Great Escape'. They never really found their form afterwards, 'Tender' and 'Beetlebum' aside. I'm not sure I want to hear the post-Coxon era though; Mr James has got smug and started eulogising the benefits of rural life in the broadsheets, Damon's gone smarmy in Mali and Dave's just gotten old.

Alas, I digress. The last week has been marginally better than those prior to it. A lot of crying and frustration was gotten out of my system. I even read a book RELATED to my revision, Tabitha Suzuma's 'A Note of Madness'. Isolation leads to stress which leads to frustration, frustration leads to avoidance, avoidance makes you more stressed as you get less accomplished.

Consequently, I thought I'd try to beat the isolation first. So I looked into getting a flat-share. Many thanks to my friends who got worried about me this week; meeting up with you has kept me sane. We've also managed to single-handedly keep Bonne Bouche in business! I'm convinced one of their waitresses is an ex-hostess/pornstar; she's got the too-much make-up and sultry submissive thing refined to a fine art!

Speaking of submissives, I don't think a consensual version of the Darlington Kaotian practice is worth the outrage it received. It's only the cult-like nature of Lee Thomas' group and his sinister fantasist claims that are especially worrying to those with family/friends in the group.

On a more chirpy note, I'm very pleased I managed to fulfil two ambitions this week; to get published in a glossy magazine (might not be mainstream media, but you've got to start somewhere, eh?) in addition to visiting a national TV centre. Made me realise exactly how little I know about ITV programmes.

*sigh*

It is quality not quantity what counts though; my favourite channel is *easily* Channel 4, home to the most excellent 'Will and Grace', 'Scrubs', 'Green Wing', 'Peep Show' and the tragic car-crash of 'Big Brother 7'. Expect me to be glued to Digital Spy in the coming weeks ;)

Fish and Chip Boy

Recent revelations about 7/7 have got me reminiscing about exactly what I was upto on the day.

I recall deciding to take the day off. I'm sure you'd agree that didactic pathology teaching really isn't worth waking up for! Indeed, I'd have got sick of it at one point during the day so I'd have most probably gone shopping/exploring.

I may well have ended up on one of the London buses/tube trains attacked.

Thankfully, laziness won out. I stayed at home, popped out to get fish and chips for my bro and found myself making head and tail of the commotion going on just ten short miles away. Come to think of it, there'd be no other reason someone cute would be buying chips in front of me! After all, cute people don't live in Worcester Park - chavs do!

Brief conversation ensued, with said guy letting me know where he lived and what he was upto. He was buying chips for his grandmother that day, getting lunch for the pair of them just after heading home from work. I bid him farewell; we parted.

I wonder what he's upto now? Tori's got a 'Cornflake Girl' - I guess this makes him my 'fish and chip boy'?